I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
