Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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