Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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