I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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