my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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