doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Alive.
So much puke
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
