I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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