a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
BRING THE BAGELS
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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