i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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