You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she smelled like a LAN party
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My bed smells like the plague
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize