my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
