I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
