This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
