We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
