My liver just broke up with me...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
