i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
