I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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