It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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