My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i will never coherently bang her
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
