Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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