dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
