yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Houston, we have a blender
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize