Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
