she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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