so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
