There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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