Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
