I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
