STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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