I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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