He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
