I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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