i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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