Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
