i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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