I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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