she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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