no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
