I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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