yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
