That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I need to align my fucking chakras
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
