I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
