I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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