he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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