she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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