I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
