In the future we'll all be gay
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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