I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
