I puked a lego.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
