I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
In other news, I just burned my penis
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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