She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
