one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
