My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
