i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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