Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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