I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
