I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize