you guys were way drunker than both of me
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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