I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
