I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
