I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
