Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
