I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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