woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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