Who wears a wallet chain?!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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