I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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