6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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