I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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