The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
