dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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