I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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