They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
